If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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