Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
