Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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