all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
