This is not my ceiling
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
