i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it because I queefed?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
