I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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