I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
