I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
