so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
