So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
