Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im part way to drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
