I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
