you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
