Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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