This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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