i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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