I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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