I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
