apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
