He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
