So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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