we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
