do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
