i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
