I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
