I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
