So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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