I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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