i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
