but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
