im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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