if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
