this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
