After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
