I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my vagina is haunted
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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