btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
