My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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