At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
