he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
