shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish you could order shots online.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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