I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
