A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
