What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
