You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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