So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
