dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
