he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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