Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
