I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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