I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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