i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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