it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
