You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
