I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
