Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
