Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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